Asking for Help with a Newborn

Hope you all had a fabulous 4th of July weekend! And, THANK YOU for all your wonderful comments on my last post! Warms my heart.

We celebrated the 3rd of July because Spencer would be gone for 5 days recruiting in Georgia.

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It is so much harder for him to leave now that we have Jada. And, she truly is changing daily. Why did you all not warn me about this?!

Spencer loves to host gatherings, so we invited the family over for grilled burgers and finished with dessert!

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Oh yes. That blurry image is a s’more. I obviously was in a hurry to shove it in my mouth hence the blurriness!

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Spence built this fire pit one day last fall, and we are finally getting around to using it! (Please note Cooper shredding the cardboard!)

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We love our backyard–plenty of space for Cooper and his buddies.

The picture below isn’t really fair–Spence was finishing off a s’more and trying to smile. Of course, I wouldn’t post this pic if the roles were reversed!
;)

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>Oh my goodness. I need a haircut! Got plenty of time for that now…

We didn’t light any fireworks that night, but my neighborhood celebrated for several days before AND after the holiday. Oh joy. I don’t get the loud firecrackers. Do you?

So, getting back to the “Spencer is gone for 5 days”. That can be a little scary with a 3 week old baby (now 4 weeks). While these little humans are immobile, they certainly require A TON of time and attention.

Sleeping 3 week old baby

Doesn’t she look peaceful here? I wanna sleep like this…oh wait, I just wanna sleep!

Unfortunately, Spencer doesn’t have paternity leave either. Currently, it is heavy recruiting for college baseball, so he never took a day off when Jada was born. He was, however, able to stay local initially.

Back to the post, while I love baby snuggles…

breast feeding Jada Ruth

Caring for a newborn is tough. Breast feeding is demanding and hard. In fact, Janae just wrote a post on this. There are days when I’m feeding her on and off for 3-4 hours without an extended break. Squeezing in a shower may or may not happen.

So, I have learned that I can’t do it all. I need help.

Can You Help Me?
Asking for help with a newborn was tough. I’m pretty independent–funny how 8 lbs of baby can destroy any feelings of competence, huh?!

But, I’m also very lucky. Moving back to Omaha, means I have my parents near and Jada has her grandparents. I want my mom and dad to feel like grandparents though, not day care.

However, during the first month or so, you simply need more help!

So, even if it is grandma simply holding Jada while I grab a bite to eat…

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Or, grandpa soothing her so I can take a shower…

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Those precious moments help SO MUCH! And, never will I take a shower for granted again!

Plus, they both find holding a sleeping baby so calming.

Grandma and grandma with Jada

I find it’s still hard for me to ask for help. My parents know this about me too, so they check on me daily either by phone or a brief visit.

I don’t want to seem bossy or ungrateful.

But, I simply can’t do it all without help. Period.

So, I am giving in. Yes, I need help. Thank you mom and dad. I love you both so much!

And, so does this little girl.

Smiling Jada

Your turn:
Do you finding asking for help in general to be a challenge?

Comments

  1. Oh my goodness, that smiling picture is adorable!!
    Hannah @ CleanEatingVeggieGirl recently posted..Roasted Vegetable Sandwich with White Bean SpreadMy Profile

  2. Asking for help isn’t easy for me either, however, everyone likes to feel “needed” & I’m sure your parents do too!! BTW I would always put the girls in their bouncy seats & bring them right in the bathroom with me while I showered!…on second thought, maybe you shouldn’t start that, now they come in uninvited! lol

  3. I know from firsthand experience that it’s hard to ask for help, but asking & receiving doesn’t make you any less of a mom. In fact, it makes you a better mom! Knowing when you’ve reached your limit or just need a few minutes to yourself is HUGE! Plus, it makes those helping feel so good. Grandparents are head over heels CRAZY about their grandchildren and love to help out in any way, even if it means mopping your kitchen floor, helping with a load of laundry, or holding the baby so you can finally take a shower. Take advantage! You are lucky to have family so close. Awesome pics!!
    Nicole @ Work in Sweats Mama recently posted..5 Survival Tips for Rainy WeekendsMy Profile

  4. What a beautiful baby! My baby boy will be a yr old on the 30th and I still feel overwhelmed and have to ask for help on occasion! It’s extremely helpful having family close. Enjoy these precious moments- they go by so quickly!
    Heather Murphy recently posted..Chocolate, tears, veggies and full body workoutsMy Profile

  5. Love that last picture!!
    I’m awful about asking for help and when my boys were babies I didn’t have anyone to ask (friends but that’s even harder than asking family). I know exactly what you mean about being independent and yet having a little one changes things and makes it harder to be alone. My husband is a military pilot so I’ve spent lots of time being a single parent – much easier now that my boys are older but it was rough with a baby and then when I had a baby and toddler – OY!!!
    I think the best advice I can give is to say – your house might not be perfect (for the next many years!!) and any time someone offers to bring you a meal – TAKE IT!!! And, as hard as it is, sometimes it is OK for your sweet baby to cry for 5 minutes while you take a quick shower.
    It will get easier and better every single day!!!
    Kim recently posted..The Power of ONEMy Profile

  6. That last picture kills me! She is so precious!
    Jillienne@ChasingRaspberries recently posted..Blueberry Salmon Salad with Blood Orange Chia Seed DressingMy Profile

  7. OMG! She is so stinkin’ cute!
    I also agree with you about the firecrackers! There is no point to them!!!! :)

  8. Shelley says:

    I have a VERY hard time asking for help with anything. I was raised to be independant and well its hard to say hey I need help with this or that. So glad your parents are close by and can come and spoil Jada while you get a shower or grab a bite to eat or even a workout. I am sure they enjoy the one on one time they get with her at the newborn stage too.

  9. Amen to that! My little girl is now 5 weeks old and I am sooo grateful for days when I have helpers.

  10. I literally have this almost exact post sitting in my blog waiting to be finished! My parents and tys parents have been a god send for me.
    danielle recently posted..meet tiffany- newborn necessitiesMy Profile

  11. Erin Shipe says:

    I do find asking for help difficult. But luckily I’m lucky like you and have my parents about 30 mins away, and the in-laws are about 2.5 hours away but my mother-in-law has been coming down almost every weekend. It is sooooo wonderful to be able to get a chance to eat, shower, or maybe even run or nap for an hour!!! Love my family!

  12. Oh she is just precious!
    It is definitely hard to ask for help and major props to you for doing so! That is one thing I didn’t do much of at first and had many breakdowns while I waited for my husband to get home from work. Next time around I’ll be enlisting lots of help for sure!
    Giselle@myhealthyhappyhome recently posted..Vacationing with WyndhamMy Profile

  13. Angie Foster says:

    I’m in the same boat! I take all the help I can get, believe me, it gets better, I have a little one that likes to be held all the time, it’s OK to let them cry a little so that you can get a shower or eat something. Enjoy them while they are little, they grow so fast!!

  14. Ahh…who would’ve ever thought a shower would become such a precious thing?
    Mallory recently posted..39 Weeks: It’s Showtime (Hopefully)My Profile

  15. Agghh! My whole post didn’t show up. Anyway, I understand about how you might feel guilty. I still feel that way sometimes, but luckily, both grandparents live close by. My husband and I are both teachers, so we have the whole summer with Isaac. We planned it that way!
    Mallory recently posted..39 Weeks: It’s Showtime (Hopefully)My Profile

  16. Something is going on with my posts. I’ll get right to the point. Sorry!
    Mallory recently posted..39 Weeks: It’s Showtime (Hopefully)My Profile

  17. Is it the smiley faces?? Please do a post on how you’re fitting in your workouts. WHEN you find time, of course. :)
    Mallory recently posted..39 Weeks: It’s Showtime (Hopefully)My Profile

  18. The hardest thing for me when Susanna was born was to accept that it had to be a C-section. Fortunately I turned to two friends, and one said the absolute best thing ever… http://www.newmomstalk.com/2013/02/05/think-of-it-as-transition/

    After she was born, I needed help. A lot. Not being able to feel half of my body (the epidural hit hard on the right side) was frightening and humbling. At one point, I turned to my hub and said, “It’s really challenging to not feel half of my body.. Oh, wait. You understand.”

    3 years before he was paralyzed fully on his right left side. He knew exactly what I needed, how to help me, and did it. Without my even asking. When I expressed that I didn’t want to hear about my incision (it freaked me out a bit), he greeted every medical person with “please don’t discuss her incision in front of her. Thank you.”

    Sometimes, it seems, asking for help is just a matter of being who we are and being surrounded by people who know and love us. Much like your parents just knowing to call you.
    Wendy @ New Moms Talk recently posted..Cherry Days 5k Race ReportMy Profile

    • Wow–you and your husband are quite a team. Such an amazing example! And, that is scary about how your epidural affected you!!!

  19. I also have a hard time asking for help. Transitioning from zero babies to one was the hardest for me. Having baby #2 and #3 have been a piece of cake in comparison! I think it’s partially because I wanted to do it all and it completely backfired (that and it’s a HUUUUGE life change and had no idea what to expect!).

    Jada is sooo sweet. Has she started socially smiling at you? If not yet – then very soon!! Also soon – longer stretches of sleep and less boob time. It’s amazing how much changes between month 1 and month 2!!
    Michelle recently posted..Weekly Menu and WorkoutsMy Profile

    • I don’t know how you mamas do it!! A newborn and additional kiddos! AMAZING! And, glad to hear about the less boob time! ha ha!

  20. PS If I could edit the above- it’d be paralyzed fully on his left side. Not his “right left side.” Whoops…
    Wendy @ New Moms Talk recently posted..Cherry Days 5k Race ReportMy Profile

    • WOW! You and your husband are an amazing team Wendy. So in awe. That IS very scary about the effects of the epidural on you!

  21. good for you! you SHOULD ask for help! that’s what family is for :) It’s not giving in, it’s taking care of you and jada! happy mom = happy baby! I’m lucky to be close to my family too. They stop in basically every single morning and have coffee with me or just let me empty the dishwasher, go the bathroom, etc. It’s much easier now that Liv is older, but it’s still so nice! :)

  22. I also hate asking for help. I’m not sure what I’m going to do when my little one comes in 5 very short months.
    shelly recently posted..Two Feet Expansion (BIG NEWS)!!My Profile

  23. I am in no way a new mother, (KUDOS to you!!), but in general, I have a hard time asking for help. For some reason I feel like I can do anything and everything on my own. That’s just not reality though. Over the years, I have learned that it’s okay to say “no” to things, and it’s okay to ask for help from time to time. Great post! :)
    Heather @ Housewife Glamour recently posted..30 Min. Gluteal Elliptical WorkoutMy Profile

  24. I actually lived with my parents when my baby was born. I was and am so blessed to have such an awesome, helpful family. My sister and I even lived together for a long time as we were both single parents. You just can’t beat a supportive family. Just wait until she’s moving and you have to strap her into something to take a shower. ;)

  25. It is amazing how such a little person can cause so much work! Good for you for asking for help. Your parents look like they are enjoying their support role.
    Cindy @ Cindy & Jana recently posted… Sun Safety for Babies
    Cindy recently posted..Sun Safety for BabiesMy Profile

  26. Ok. Jada is precious! Love the pics. And Cooper looks happy with his buddies.
    I have a terrible time asking for help. Last year was my first year teaching and I wanted to prove that I was capable of handling a {challenging} class on my own. Only when my co-workers forced me to take breaks and intervene did I realize how wrong I was in trying to do everything myself! I’m so thankful for people in my life that help me…even when I don’t ask!
    Ashley Martinus recently posted..Lessons LearnedMy Profile

  27. She is just simply beautiful!! Wow, just such a sweet peaceful little girl!

    Moving back to Omaha? Wow! I like Omaha a lot.

    And I couldn’t help but notice it looked like a Golden Retriever party.
    Michael recently posted..Stars & Stripes 5K – FASTEST RUN EVER!!!My Profile

  28. OK, ignore the ignorance of that last part of my comment…..I guess that happened a year ago. It’s so hard to keep up with all the blogs and where everyone is :)
    Michael recently posted..Stars & Stripes 5K – FASTEST RUN EVER!!!My Profile

  29. Such beautiful pics!!!!! I agree that asking for help can be tough in all realms! I am glad you are going to be closer to family – a great thing!

  30. Do not feel bad asking for help! I had babysitters (either paid or grandparents) for both of my kids for an hour every few days while my hubby was working from the time my kids were 1 week old on. I need a little bit of personal time everyday, and while having a newborn it is hard to find the time. My hubby was very helpful in giving me a little bit of time, but I also wanted to be with him when he was home, so a babysitter was my choice.

    I did, as others have mentioned, put my kids in a bouncer or swing in the bathroom so I could shower. I also LOVED my hotsling so I could get things done around the house while still snuggling with my baby!

    Enjoy all these special moments with your sweet baby! It really does go by way too fast!
    katie recently posted..Leggings, Running, and ChristmasMy Profile

  31. I still have a hard time asking for help and my babies are now 3 and 5. Like you, I don’t want my parents to feel like a daycare.

    With a newborn, it’s important to ask for help. Your mental health needs it. I wish I would’ve asked for help more often when my babies were newborns.
    Natalie recently posted..Run SmartMy Profile

  32. I (stupidly) refused to ask for help with my 1st son. I was so overwhelmed and unhappy and eventually unhealthy. Three years later when my 2nd son was born my mom was there from the moment he was born and stayed the first 3 days. She came frequently afterward to hold the baby so I could shower and eat etc. It was so much happier for everyone…but more importantly my 2nd son and my mom have a very special bond, he loves and trusts her so completely. I love to see them together and it’s great to be able to be so comfortable when we do ask them to watch the boys; I know it will be enjoyable for everyone.

    • That is so wonderful that your mom and son have such a bond–makes me happy Jada is around her grandparents!

  33. Relinquishing your newborn to anyone is always hard at first. YOU carried her for 9 months and shared a connection with her unlike any other. Then YOU gave birth to her and held her and saw her I’m person for the first time and that connection deepened more. Add to that the magical (but extremely exhausting) act of nursing her…….well duh, of course it feels weird to ask for help ;)
    What went through my mind after my first child was “hey, I got this”…..but countless sleep deprived days later I needed help and found it was hard to ask. But my husband was a rock as was my sister. My doctor gave me some smart advice : you’ll end up hurting both you and the baby if you don’t take time to regroup and take care of you. So I listened and did just that. In teeny increments, admittedly, but it was enough.
    As fitness professionals we are SO used to helping others – sometimes its hard in our own lives to ask for help. But we’re rewarded when we do. You’re strong – but having a support network keeps you strong.
    You’re doing great! Look at how much she’s grown in so short of time! You got this :)

    • I think the nursing is what is keeping me at home so much–until I have enough milk stored, I need to be near her for feedings and I’m not comfortable in public with it yet! Thank you, thank you!

  34. Great job with asking for help! It’s imperative with little ones around. I’m not very good at it either. Grandparents know how hard it is too and they love to help! Thankfully I have in-laws who are GREAT at helping before I know I need them. My babies are 4, 2 and 1 and I still consider myself lucky to get a daily shower.

    This really is the good stuff about life! Enjoy being a mom -even if a shower escapes you ;-) the time where your little baby needs you this much is over in a blink!!!!!

  35. Great deal to have your folks nearby. My mp, said grandparents are twice parents. Those ties bind. To be involved is a gift. It creates an incredible bond. My 18 year old phones her grandma weekly and they speak for hours. Grandma has the time and oodles of patience to listen to all of the “He said, she said”. Love and relax. The years go quickly.

  36. The picture of you and hubby with Jada by the fire pit is adorable. Jada is making the same face as her Daddy, too!

    Asking for help is hard! I have raised my son by myself for 9 years now; having my parents babysit, even for an hour, is hard for me. I don’t want to impose on them! I just have to remind myself that I have to love myself in order to love others, and I have to take care of myself in order to take care of others! Mommy burnout is a very real thing, and sometimes you just need a break so you can shower and pee in peace. :)

  37. Oh friend, yes get used to asking for help. I still struggle with that. LET PEOPLE HELP!!! :) Take one day at a time. Rest when you can. Each day is a blessing.
    Um, and total random side note, but love the Coors Light in the one pic. Ha ha.
    Jada is precious and very lucky to have you as her mama.
    STUFT Mama recently posted..Try It TuesdayMy Profile

  38. getting help does not make you an incapable mom or lesser of a woman. i learned this through my third child. i know exactly how you feel asking for help. it is SO hard for me to give in. I had two days of help from my hubby with our first and second and the first three months felt like agony with breastfeeding involved. When my Third child was born and my second only being 13 months old (barely walking), i begged my husband for hired help. it was the best decision i made that i wished i made that decision with the other two. I felt like a better mom and i was able to sleep, eat well for breastfeeding and shower without guilt. I know taking care of me will help take care of my children a hell a lot better then an exhausted, cranky, and a depressed mom .

  39. You’re so lucky to have parents that are so supportive and helpful. I’m not a mom, but I definitely have a hard time asking for help. I am just too proud and don’t like to show when I’m weak. It’s something I’m working on, feeling okay to ask for help. We all need it sometimes! Jada is so adorable!
    Sarah @ Blonde Bostonian recently posted..WIAW #56: San Diego Eats {What I Ate Wednesday}My Profile

    • Thank you! That’s what I initially thought too–help may indicate weakness, but I have to get over that!

  40. Absolutely you should ask for help! You always appreciate a shower when you’re a mother. ;) Hang in there, it WILL get easier. I think after 4 weeks nursing became easier. Although I never could seem to stretch out those nursing sessions! My boys nursed around the clock!
    Leonor @FoodFaithfitness recently posted..ING Marathon Race RecapMy Profile

  41. Thanks for sharing! Having a newborn is harder than anyone can ever be prepared for. So glad you have your parents close to help. I too relied on my parents and truly believe i would not have survived my first baby without the help of my mom and my dad sharing her!! Hubby was helpful too but moms just have a way of knowing what you need…i guess cause they have been there too! ;-) Jada is just beautiful! Keep enjoying this time.

  42. Jada is so sweet and I’m sure your Mom and Dad love helping out!! Plus it’s important for you to have time for you, if you know what I mean.
    I’m not a Mom, but can only imagine how difficult it must be sometimes, especially with a newborn. No matter how much you read and research there is not cut and dry way for your baby. Looks like you are doing a great job though, and loving the pictures of little Jada!
    Liesl recently posted..Sweet & Spicy Carrot SoupMy Profile

  43. YES! When I had the twins I no choice but to ask for help…and it was HARD. But, ya know what? It’s so much easier for me to do it now! I am grateful for that lesson because we ALL need help at one time or another and it’s ok to just ask:-)
    Your daughter is beautiful and you look so happy!
    Allie Burdick recently posted..WHAT ABOUT THEM IS NOT IDENTICAL?My Profile

  44. I can imagine that’s hard! I have a tough time asking for help in general, so I imagine I’ll be the same when I have children.
    Colorado Gal recently posted..Gates of the Arctic, Alaska: UpdateMy Profile

  45. I am terrible terrible about asking for help, but sometimes you just have to. You are definitely lucky when you have wonderful people in your life who just know when you need help without asking. Parents are wonderful that way! :) You and baby Jada look absolutely amazing!! She is precious beyond words!
    Lauren @ Fun, Fit and Fabulous! recently posted..My Blogging Hiatus and Paddle Board FunMy Profile

  46. OMG. She is just precious. And yes – I have a VERY hard time asking for help. Whether it’s you writing about having a hard time decreasing your competitive drive while pregnant, or asking for help – we’re so darn much alike! HAH. SO glad you have your parents close to lend a helping hand!
    Electra @ Electra-Fi.com recently posted..Under Armour GiveawayMy Profile

  47. Oh, I feel for ya! My husband travels a ton, and when the kids were little, especially newborn, it was awful! And we don’t live near family. But I found an incredible sitter who would do some pinch hitting for me when I needed it. Like you said, it really is impossible to do without help! I’m so glad you have family there–lean on them–I’m sure they are happy to pitch in!
    misszippy recently posted..Vacation training truthsMy Profile

  48. Kevin left me at 3 weeks also for 4 days… I was able to make it through but I went to my moms to shower for 3 of those days! I know how you feel! Enjoy the quiet time now!

  49. I have a hard time asking for help, too! My hubby was gone for 8 days when our baby girl had just turned a month and that was VERY challenging. I just slept whenever the baby slept to keep my sanity! I think I’m still working on the asking for help thing, but I’ve also come a long way!!
    char eats greens recently posted..thursday things: tell me what you thinkMy Profile

  50. Good for you, Jess. It’s very hard to ask for help. I’m sure your parents are loving every min., though. Jada is just adorable! (Your mom looks great, btw!)

  51. Denise P. says:

    Yes I actually commented on Facebook about how hard it is for me to ask for or accept help. I threw my back out (turns out its a sprained muscle) on the 4th and by Sunday I finally ventured to the grocery store.
    I asked the butcher to grab a high up item, the checker unloaded my cart and the bagger loaded the groceries in my car. I knew it was necessary to ask, but still so weird for me as I’m really independent.

    I guess I’ll have to get used to it, because I’ve got my first baby on the way!

  52. It takes a village, doesn’t it? Each person plays such an important role in unique way. Glad you have a support system to share this new chapter in your life.

  53. Hi! I just stumbled on your blog through Janae.. And holy cow, loving it so far! I was born and raised in Lincoln until I married my husband who is in the navy and now we’ve lived in Texas and California.. I can’t complain too much about living in San Diego :) EXCEPT all our family is back home in NE. We have a 15 month old daughter and everyday I wish we had grandma and grandpa close by!! Don’t be afraid to ask for help, but I do know how hard that is to do. Most days are a piece of cake with her now, but I do have days (teething) when I send my hubby an SOS and he gives me a breather as soon as he can!

    Also! I played softball as well until my sophomore year in college… If you don’t mind me asking, what high school and summer team did you play on? We took 3rd in USSSA AND ASA Nationals my last few years of summer ball.. Wondering if we played against each other somewhere?!

    • Yay! Love connecting with a fellow Nebraskan! San Diego is quite the upgrade tho! However, I know how much you must miss your family (we lived in WA for 3 years). I played for Millard South HS and the Wildcats. You??

  54. She is soooo precious and absolutely. Beautiful! My sister is a single mom (from day 1) and had no choice but ask for help. I loved and appreciate every moment I have/have had with my niece (now 7!) And the bond we have is so special.

  55. Really late to commenting, but I so hear this. My husband has a disability that prevents him from driving and we live 2 hours from each set of parents. Luckily, his mom works for a school district and I gave birth in the summer. His mom lived off and on with us for a few weeks and was immensly helpful, I think I would’ve been a mess without her.
    Kelly @ Cupcake Kelly’s recently posted..Year of Baking: Sweet Potato BreadMy Profile

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